Lazy Bastard
I havent been on here in a while. Ive been a lazy bastard Ill admit. Sure Ive been busy trying to make a living but so are most writers out there. So I am determined to do better.

So, I was trolling facebook today and I went  on a friends daughters profile. My friend dosent have a profile. So  my friends daughter is friends with my ex fiance's daughter who has a profile. But my exfiance does not have one. I seen that my ex's daughters brother has a picture of him with his mother (my ex). He lives in Mexico. That means she went back to Mexico. Interesting emotions for me. She broke up with me because she thought I was cheating....I was not cheating. But jealouse Latina what can you do. Anyway weve been broke up since about June. On one level I miss her and worry for her. Dont know why I worry. She's safer in Mexico than she'd be here in the U.S. So I feel bad that I couldnt convince her that I wasnt cheating. And I feel bad that I didnt have more money that I could have taken better care of her.Im a loser you know. As I look at this I see how rediculouse my feelings are. Had I been earning  a six figure income it would not had mattered. she wanted to go back to Mexico anyway. Deep breaths and let it all go.

Let me be the first to say "my writing sucks." Thats why I have avoided using this. But You have to start somewhere. I will no longer be the "lazy writer " so many of us are. More like writer wanna be's. Iknow of professional writers and writing is second nature to them. So I am going to make this second nature to me. I have stories in my mind and ideas. You probably wont see them here. This is just a good exersise for me to write and get things off my chest. It took me all morning to find my Blogger account and change my password. I didnt know that google owns this. So ultimatly I didnt even need to change my password. My thought today?. I need to evolve from the single finger typing to real typing. Well it is later than it needs to be for me so I am signing off for now and getting ready for work.

Why I got the blog and a little about me.

I originally got this blog so I could subscride to garridos post and leave angry comments. I originally got a myspace account to blog but myspace was way too distracting and is now apparantly obsolete. Yes I have a facebook account. I like facebook better because friends from my past who are around my age are on facebook. I am able to keep in touch with them frequently.But I dont feel comfortable blogging there.
Like a lot of people I fantasize about being a writer.Most people think that writers spend there days sitting on there ass making up shit and then hanging out at Borders sipping coffee and signing books. Ive known enough writers to know that thats not the case.But here I am anyway.I would like right now to say that I aknowledge my lack of education and writing skills and am working on improving those skills.

I have been angsty lately. More than my usual crankyness. A lot of self loathing. This has been exasperated by a bad head cold I have had since last Wednessday. It has moved from my head to my lungs. Im sick of being sick!
I think my angst comes from the fact that Im in my late 40s and still going no where.So many things I have tried I have failed at. So many women I have persued and failed. Im getting old and need to figure out an easier way to make a better living.
I know I know GO TO SCHOOL! Would love to attend a university but Colleges are different then they were back when I was young. After class and lab you have to somehow make time to go to work study,do home work and meet with a study group.
I know someone in his late 30,s who has said no one wants to partner with him because he is old.

I wouldnt mind moving to Washington state to learn how to build boats but Im not that good with my hands. My girlfriend has stated that she will not go with me to Washington.
I like to make beer. But starting a brewery takes a huge ammount of money. There is my other bussiness idea. Starting a hotdog and beer restraunt that would have acoustic music. once again I have no capital. I need to take some bussiness classes.
Well I actually feel better now that I blogged. Im alittle more focussed than I was.
I need to stick my nose in some books now. Im reading Brian Bates Way of Wyrd and Taking Up The Runes by Diana Paxson. Yes Im Pagan and a member of A D F a druid organisation. I havent joined a heathen group yet. mabye later.